South Park: The Age of Chaos by Kevin (Zamoon)
by Zamoon
Summary: Butters, now 30 and could not find a job, was kicked out from his parents house. Mad, he seeks revenge, by devoting his life into bringing chaos and destruction into South Park, and the entire world. Follow Cartman, Stan and Kyle into a journey like never before, with Canadians, Crab people, and huge battles! Even some Romance!


South Park: Age of Chaos

By Kevin Li AKA Zamoon

**Chapter One: Chaos**

It was a dark night in South Park. The sky was black, and the clouds cried out rain, and farted out thunder- wait WAIT. It can't rain in South Park! Ahem! Uhh…

It was a dark night in South Park. The sky was black, and the clouds farted out thunder. The howling of wolves and Manbearpig was heard in the dusk. Although, something more devastating took place in the home of the Stotches. Stephen was talking to Butters (who is now 30), and is really pissed off. "God dammit Butters! You have been staying here too long! You can't find a Job, and now we are losing money!"

Butters replied: "Well I'm sorry dad, is jus-"

"No Butters! We can't 'ground' you anymore, because you are grown up!"

"So what can I do?"

"GET OUT!"

Butters was then thrown out of the door. Mad, but resisting to cry at the same time. Then slowly walked away from the house he used to live in.

Stephen thought to himself: "man, I'm such a dick!"

Butters slow, sad walking evolved to a furious, fast sort of walk, as he stormed into the waste dump. The stood there, looking around, then ran into the dump. He found a few old workshop items, and started working away. He carve out old iron, and crafted with scrap steel, whispering to himself: "I lived an outcast, my friends abandoned me, and were traitors! Even my own parents!" As he crafted a steel helmet.

"But now, it is the day, where darkness and destruction shall spread, all the foolish shall fall, by my hand!" He whispered, as he picked old chains from the ground. "Lives shall fade!" He put on his helmet. "Cities shall burn!" He wore his gloves and boots. "I shall become the greatest super villain the world shall ever see!" He fastened his cape. "I am an outcast, separated, a creeping shadow." He said, as he walked out to the forest. "I shall bring chaos, but there is _someone_ that I need help from first." He walked into the dark realm as his shadow slowly faded away.

"_I am Professor Chaos."_

**Chapter 2: Stan**

After that night of a new, unknown villain, South Park had a nice, snowy, sunny, happy, redneck, quiet, jerkwater, double-crossed, greenhorn, mud-horse, hayseed, inbred, out of date, Hotmail, pondunk morning. Stan woke up from his house, and slowly, wonkily walked to the closet, to put on his clothes. Then, he looked at his calendar, to know that an important day had finally come. He then suddenly became more alive, with a smile on his face. He brushed his teeth, ate some breakfast, and walked out of his house, with a smile. He looked around, as he made his way to work. As he walked by, he happened to meet Kyle.

"Good morning Kyle!" Stan said to Kyle, with a happy face.

"Erm... good morning, Stan?" he replied.

Suddenly, Cartman ran by, yelling out: "Guys! GUYS!"

"What is it, fatass?"

"Dude, I am not fat, I am big boned, you stupid Jew, but anyway, you know that Kevin guy?"

"Yeah… what?" Stan replied.

"He, is, a fucking Jedi."

"What? That doesn't make sense, Cartman!"

"Shut your Jew mouth, Kyle! Follow me, if you want proof!"

Suddenly, they ran up to the bar. Kevin was in the bar, holding a lightsaber, sitting on a chair, wearing brown robes.

"This is bullcrap, Cartman!" Kyle said, with a mad voice.

"Is it so?" Kevin replied.

He held up his hand, and levitated Kyle, and switched on his lightsaber. That lightsaber was a legitimate lightsaber. It was bright, glowing, no plastic or anything, a legit lightsaber. Kevin dropped Kyle, and deactivated his lightsaber.

"Bye" Kevin said, as he walked out of the bar

"Dude… that is just messed up" Stan said, with an emotionless face, and the three guys walked out of the bar, and continued with their day. Stan and Kyle was heading towards work, while Cartman, and his fatass were trying to tell more people about Kevin.

Then, Kyle asked Stan: "So, what is your job, Stan? I am a scientist."

Stan then looked at Kyle, and replied: "I am Geologist, like my Father."

"A geologist?" Kyle laughed. "Since when you got into geology?

"When my father told me about his job, all you needed to do was sit on your fat ass, and detect earthquakes and stuff."

"Cool" Then Kyle and Stan left, to go to work. Stan headed to the weather centre, where he looks out for earthquakes and stuff. He went inside his office, and sat there, while looking at the weather graphs. Although, something was wrong. He detected a volcano erupting, in the middle of the forest, where no volcanic activity was found. Life if the crab people derped around again. Stan called the mayor.

"Ello?" Stan said on the phone.

"Hello Stan" The mayor said. "How is the job?"

"Pretty sweet mayor, but I have some concern"

"What is it, Stan?

"Something is going on, for the past few days volcanic activity occurred in the forests of South Park"

"Is that so? Is it a glitch?"

"No, I used many different computers, all were the same."

"Well, it looks like something is going on, but we will deal with it later, understand?"

"Yes mayor"

Stan hung up the phone. He started thinking about the cause of the mysterious volcanic eruption. He then did some work, and realized the cause. He was silent, and only said three words.

"Holy shit dude."

Stan realized he was late for his "special" event, and ran out of his office, to the church.

**Chapter 3: The (sorta fucked up) Wedding**

Stan ran up to the wedding. He was exhausted, leaning on a tree, although, he was glad he wasn't late, but pretty early, in fact. Kyle and Kenny walked up to Stan. They were both wearing suits, except that Kenny was poor, and wore an old, broken one. Kyle had a smile on his face, like if he was proud.

"Congrats Stan!"

"Thanks, dude!"

"So, Stan, how are you and Wendy getting along?"

"Pretty well" He said, picking a pack of pills from his pocket. The pills were white, flat, and wide.

"What the fuck are those?" Kyle asked.

"Anti-vomiting pills, I need to take these if I don't want to barf on Wendy."

"Ooh!" Kyle said, and handed Stan a glass of water.

"Thanks, dude!" Stan said, as he swallowed his pills.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, other visitors went into the wedding. Even Kyle's parents came, along with Ike. Ike is now in his twenties, and is starting to look more like the typical Canadians you see today, for an example, he had lost his dotty nose. Also, he spends a lot of time wearing a shirt, with the letter "I" on it, for Ike.

Soon, Stan's parents arrives, except, Randy was drunk. Man, he was high.

"Ey! Ey Stan!" He said, in a loud mumbles voice. "Prepared to FUCK your lady firend?"

Then, Sharon tried to make Randy shut up. "Be quiet Randy! People are looking at us!"

"OH! Is that SO?" He became pissed off. "I thought this is America, right? THIS IS AMERICA, ISNT IT? HUH?"

"Enough Randy!"

"N- NO SHARON! THIS IS FUCKIGN AMERICA, RIGHT?"

Nearly everyone from Stan's fourth-grade class arrives, including Craig, who greeted everyone by giving them the finger. Soon, everyone walked into the church, as the Wedding started.

In the church, the priest started to say some boring speech, which made everyone, well, bored. Then, Stan stood nervously, while his parents waved at him, except Randy, who was drunk. Then, some opera dudes started singing, as the doors cracked open, and Wendy walked in.

"Here comes the bride!"

"Here cums the bride!"

"Here comes the bride!"

Later on, Wendy walked up to Stan, with a smile, as Stan. Then, Stan lifted up the fabric thingy covering her face. Then, the priest talked to Stan.

"Do you agree to make Wendy Biblity Blobity bloo your Wife?"

Stan replied. "Uhhhh, yeah?"

Then, the priest talked to Wendy. "Do you balbity boopity bloo Stan boop your husband?"

"Yeah."

"M'kay, now you should kiss, M'kay" Then, everyone stared at the priest with a pissed off face. "Aww shit! M'kay!" Then, the priest took off his mask, to reveal that he is actually Mr. Mackey.

"Im sorry, M'kay, is just that the priest is not here, M'kay, so I have to take his place, M'kay."

Then, the priest, all beaten up and sore, walked in the church, and was really mad.

"Come here fuckhead Mackey!"

Then, Mr Mackey ran out of the church, going "This is bad! M'kay"

Then the real priest said: "Now the husband and wide may kiss!"

Then, Stan and Wendy kissed, and everyone was clapping, except for Craig, who gave them a double finger. Then, they ended kissing, and Stan and Wendy smiled at each other. But then, a large shake happened, and everyone was horrified.

"What the hell is going on?" Some random guy yelled out.

Then, a mysterious chant was heard, although it wasn't clear, it was obvious where it came from.

_Crab People!_

_Crab People!_

_Taste like Crab, talk like People!_

The chanted the same phrase over, and over again. Then, everyone ran out of the church, only to see that everyone was surrounded by crab people. They were everywhere, and were even carrying swords and spears.

Then, Stan stood up. "I know who is behind this."

"Who?" Wendy asked.

Stan stared at Wendy. _"Chaos"_

Then, everyone looked at Stan, with a surprised face.

**Chapter 4: Crab People**

There were an endless horde of Crab people, too much for anyone to handle. None can stop them. The crab people had swords, shields and spears. Even Uncle Jimbo didn't had guns.

"We are fucking screwed" Cartman said to himself.

Then, the crab people threw their spears at this pole, causing it to make a large pillar fall down, and landing on Kenny.

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!"

"You Bastards!"

The crab people then stopped, as if they were preparing to battle. Then, thunder fell from the sky, as the dark lord who plotted all of this revealed himself. It was Professor Chaos.

"Butters, not cool!"

"SHUT UP!" As he threw a fiery ball of death at Cartman, but missed.

"How the fuck did you do that?" Stan asked

"Crab people magic!" Butters replied.

"I knew it! It was Butters who caused the unexpected volcanic activity!" Stan Said.

Then, professor chaos pointed his arm out, as the crab people charged at the Church. Arrows and spears rained from the sky. Then, the priest cried out: "get into the church! Now!" Everyone ran into the church, and hid there. Then, the priest walked into this room.

"What is he doing?" Kyle asked.

"No clue." Ike replied. "We must hurry! I have an interview at Canada tomorrow!"

"You are going to Canada?"

"Yeah! I'm Canadian, I must go to Canada to do some Canada stuff!"

Soon, Clyde broke in tears.

"GAAAAAAAAAH! Stan invited me to his wedding, *sniff* and now crab people are going to kill us! GAAAAAAAAH!"

"Shut up Clyde!" Cartman said at Clyde.

Then the room the priest walked to opened, and the priest walked out with a lot of guns. He had a really mad face.

"Come on, sons of god! Time to blow some crab people up!"

Everyone ran out of the church with a shotgun, only to realize, that all the crab people died. Everyone was shocked.

"What. The. Fuck." Cartman said, with wide eyes.

Then, a swift move swooped by, and a figure slowly walked towards the people at the wedding. It was Kevin. Yes, it is insane, he got sooo crazy about star wars, that he became a Jedi.

"WHAT THE FUCK KEVIN?" Cartman screamed at him.

"What? I used the force, and saved you guys, right?"

"YOU DON'T BECOME A FUCKING JEDI, AND GO OFF KILLING FUCKING CRAB PEOPLE!"

"Jesus Christ, don't be such a dick" Kevin walked away.

Soon, the sun slowly crawled into the mountains, the day was about to end, and everyone left, like nothing happened. All the crab people died. Everyone is safe. _For now._

Soon, Stan and Wendy walked home, holding hands. They walked up to stans house, where they will live.

"Nice house Stan, what is your job?"

"I am a geologist, like my dad. I heard you are an environmental activist, right?"

"Yeah! My current job is to make sure hippies don't kill any animals!"

"Umm, strange job, but okay!"

They walked into the house, and started their new life.

**Chapter 5: Canada**

I know what you are thinking, you are expecting some Canadians at the start of this chapter, well NO! The reason it is called "Canada" is because there is Canada in this chapter, but not now! (M'kay) So stop going all "Wahh, Wahh, I want Canadians in this chapter, mommy!" JUST NO!

Kyle needed to talk to Stan, and he took Ike with him. He walked up to Stan's door, which was for some reason, unlocked. He turned on the lights, and looked around. Then, he walked up the stairs.

"Stay here Ike, okay?"

"Okay, Buddy!"

Kyle walked up the stairs, to hear some sound coming from Stan's room. He hears a distinctive moaning sound. His face then looked pissed off, and a bit mad, with a wide, open mouth. He stepped closer to Stan's room, and hear them saying awkward things.

"Yes Stan, yes!"

"You are a bad girl Wendy, a Bad, Bad Girl!"

"Yes Stan! I am Bad!"

"Jelly monster!"

"I love you!"

"Me too!"

Now Kyle was really pissed, and walked up to Stan's door, and gave it a knock, but they didn't heard it. Now Kyle was super pissed off. He knocked harder, but no reply. He then twisted the door knob a bit, realizing it is not locked too. He suddenly became surprised, they forgot to lock it! Kyle slowly open the door, then Stan and Wendy noticed them, suddenly.

"AWWWWW! DUDE!" Kyle yelled out to Stan, as he covered his face.

"Jesus Christ dude!" Stan yelled out, as Wendy jumped off him, like nothing happened.

"What the FUCK Stan! You can't have sex, and leave your fucking door unlocked!"

"Jesus Christ Kyle, sorry! Okay?"

"Stan, I need your help."

"Yeah Kyle, you caught me and Wendy fucking each other, what else you want?"

"I heard news that Butters is building a huge army of crab people! We need everything he got to destroy his army!"

"How?"

"We must go to Canada!"

"What are Canadians going to do, Kyle?"

"Dude, it is life, or death Stan! If we don't do anything, we will become slaves to crab people!"

"You are right dude, we must prepare for war, Like the Black Friday incident!"

The Wendy was worried. "War? Black Friday? What?"

"Don't worry sweetie, we will come back soon, just stay home, and you will be fine, got that?" Stan told Wendy.

"Okay Stan, but promise me you will be safe?"

"Promise!" Stan gave Wendy a kiss on the forehead, and walked out of his home with Kyle. With some clothes on, of course. Then, Stan and Kyle proceeded to Cartman's house. They knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"

"It is me, Kyle. I found Stan and Ike."

"Good job! Come in!"

Then, Stan, Kyle, Ike and Cartman, who was dressed up like a wizard, walked to the basement, where lots of other people were, so Cartman could hold a meeting.

Cartman spoke: "We welcome two new members to our army."

After that, everyone clapped, except for Craig, who gave a finger.

"So, Jew paladin Kyle, who should Stan and Ike be?"

"Umm… I think Stan should be a warrior, and Ike should be a mage."

"Nice choice Kyle, get their equipment."

"Okay, fatass."

"DON'T CALL ME FAT! RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!"

Cartman sat on his seat, and started the meeting.

"As we all know, this crab thing has gone too far, and we need some help. Clyde and Craig will go out to find some people to help us, understood?"

"Yes Cartman!"

"Now, for the rest of us, we have an important mission! We must go to Canada, and get them to help us!"

"All of us?" Ike asked.

"Yes, Canadian Jew Ike, you are Canadian, so we need your help, to form an alliance with them."

**Chapter 6: Battle for Canada**

The guys, along with some of their friends, went to Canada. It was a long, boring trip. The plane finally landed in the Canadian airport. Everyone was very excited, not just to get Canada to help them in the war, but also to visit Canada, once again. But once they walked out of the plane, they were all shocked.

The crab people were attacking Canada. Crab people charged at Canada, while Canadian musketeers fired square- shaped bullets at the crab people, with their… muskets. Although the Canadians were holding off well, they were still no match for the entire army of crab people.

"How the fuck did crab people get into Canada?" Cartman asked, staring into the battle.

"Look, fatass, they are being led by Butters, who now had magic powers. He pretty much teleported all the crab people here." Kyle replied.

"Well shut your mouth Jew! We need Canada, and that means we will fight!"

"Yeah!" Everyone shouted out, as they went to battle position.

"Make haste!"

All the guys charged. Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Ike, Token, and Tweek. Clyde and Craig are at South Park, and the rest were not summoned yet. As they charged, they laid out their weapons, like spears. They clashed though hordes or crab people, making a path through the endless amount of crab people.

Although, as our heroes' slices through the forces of crab people, they stopped, as they encountered something, like never before. It was a huge crab person. It was like, ten meters tall, and made all the other crab people around it look like ants. Its long, sharp teeth, those eyes! Those eye were perfectly round, glowing yellow, and bright, as it held its enormous mace, and wore a titanium helmet.

"JESUS CHRIST DUDE! SO MUCH PRESSURE! GAAAAH!" Tweek went crazy.

"CALM DOWN DUDE! We can do this, we just need to work together!" Token replied.

Then, Cartman tried to distract the giant crab person, while the others tried to finish it off. First, Cartman summoned a "sneaky squeaker" to distract the beast. It made a huge cry, and walked towards the place where the smell came from. Then, Kyle, Stan, Token and Tweek tried to cut the giants ankle, but made nothing more than a scratch. Even if the blades didn't cut though the hard shell, it still let off a huge, terrifying scream.

"It can't die!" Kyle yelled out.

"NO!" Cartman said. "We must poison it to death!"

Then Cartman charged up a huge fart, as the others distracted the crab monster.

"HOLD YOUR BREATH!"

Then, Cartman released a huge fart, strong enough to destroy a building.

"NAGASKI!" He yelled out.

Then, Ike walked in, and threw some fireballs (balls of paper which were on fire) in the beast's eye to blind it, as it walked around, mindlessly. It screamed, and cried, until it fell over, and died.

Then, the Canadian musketeers jumped out of their bunker. "The beast is dead!" And all the Canadians charged into the army of crab people, destroying them like a kid pissing on cardboard. The crab people fell, their head popped off, and bullets went into their eyes.

"Retreat!" One of the crab people said. "Evil plans ruined!" as they scurried away from Canada, to some random area.

"We did it! The crab people were slain, thanks to the American warriors!"

Then, the boys, and Ike went to the Canadian palace, where they met the prince, and princess. The palace was huge, filled with paintings of Canadian heroes. In the centre, was a huge portrait of Ike, when he was 2 years old. This painting reminded everyone, when Ike saved everyone, from tooth decay.

"Ah! Americans arrived to help us!" Prince said, as he stepped out of his throne. "Is it true? Its sir Ike! The one who saved the princess! Eh!"

"Actually" Ike said to the prince. "We came for _your _help."

Then, the prince was a bit mad. "You are Canadian, Ike! You belong, heyah!"

"America is my homeland, your majesty!"

"Nonsense! You were born in the land, of CANADA!"

"But I was raised in America!"

"Nonsense! You are a knight in Canada! You must stay here, and protect our royalty, Friend!"

"I'm not your friend, buddy!"

"I'm not your buddy, guy!"

"I'm not your guy, friend!"

"THAT'S IT ALL YOU AMERICANS! GET OUT! GET OUT NOW! IKE IS NOW PART OF HERE!"

Then, everyone ran out, except for poor Ike, who was trapped with the prince.

**Chapter 7: Dark Times Await**

Then, the boys returned with nothing but a frown. But then, Clyde and Craig ran up to them, exited.

"Great news!" Clyde said.

"We managed to get Scott Malkinson on our side!" Craig said.

"ONLY MALKINSON?"

"No, we also got some other guys, and even some girls on our side." Craig replied. "Did you get the Canadians?"

"No." Stan said, with a sad face.

"We even lost Ike. He was trapped in Canada." Kyle added.

"Dammit! We will lose our war like this!" Clyde yelled, furiously.

"No." Kyle said.

"How you stupid Jew?" Cartman added.

"I will not become a Paladin, I will summon the remaining drow elves, from the war twenty years ago."

"Twenty years? You mean the stick of truth war? That was ages ago! No elves are left, Kyle!"

"Well what choice do we have, Cartman?" Kyle said, as he angrily stormed off.

Meanwhile, Cartman and Stan were at a balcony, staring into the forest. They watched as the sun retreated behind the hills, and the moon fought through, turning day, into night. But suddenly, something unusual happened. Out in the middle of the forest, a huge beam of pure fire, blasted into the sky. Its bright red flames released a huge, roaring noise, but was dim from a distance.

"What is that, Cartman?"

"That is the great beacon, made by Chaos. It will summon the crab people from the underground realm."

"So that was why I was detecting unusual volcanic activity!"

"It is not long before Butters, and his huge, fucking army of crabs take over South Park. We must prepare for battle. In the meantime, only Kyle can save us, if he manages to summon the drow elves."

**Chapter 8: Ike**

Meanwhile, back in Canada, the prince was talking to Ike, the knight of Canada.

"Ike, as prince of Canada, I must give you what a knight needs."

Then, the prince handed a helmet to Ike. The helmet didn't cover his entire head, but had bits of gold scribed onto it. They form the shape of a Canadian maple leaf.

"This helmet represents the mind of Canada. It represents intelligence."

Then the prince handed Ike a large, plate mail. It was a bit bulky, and was heavy. On the centre of it, was a seal, which was shaped of a maple leaf, and was made of pure ruby. It was also plated with a thin layer of Canadian gold.

"This armour represents strength, and the ability to fuck up fuckheads."

Then, the prince handed over to Ike a sword. The sword was truly amazing. It was a light scimitar, with a red hilt, and a blade of steel. Its hilt had small bits of gold, and jewels. On the sword, and small scribing of tooth decay, the beast Ike slain when he was two years old.

"This sword represents leadership, and reminds us of your mighty quest to save the princess."

"I'm sorry, majesty, I like all this stuff, but I just want to live normally in America!" Ike said, as he looked at all his gear.

"NO! You are CANADIAN knight! You only serve us! Buddy!"

"But, your majesty! America is going to get wiped out by crab pe-"

"No! We will not help America, not talk about it! You are my knight now!"

Then, Ike slowly walked to his Canadian home, which the prince bought him, sadly. He then, turned on his television, ad he fell on his couch, with a bowl of potato chips, trying to forget about everything. He took off his helmet, and switched to the American news.

"Breaking news! An army of crab people are approaching the small mountain town of South Park! The amount is unknown, but it is massive. Is this the end?"

Then Ike was shocked, and said to himself: "They can't fight off all those crab people! We need to help them! Then, my family, Kyle, Oh no! Eh!"

He then wore his helmet, and stormed out of his house, to the palace of Canada.

Back at South Park, everyone was preparing for Battle. All the people who contributed were outside South Park, in a defence position. All they had were old spears, and shovels. All the armour they had were just clads of iron, and scrap metal. They stood nervously, as the sun settled.

Then, Stan ran up to Cartman. "Dude! I did some calculations! The army of crab people have a population of 5069! 20% of them are giant! We only have 150!"

"Holy shit dude, this is going to be on hell of a battle!"

Back at Canada, Ike ran up to the palace, storming in. He was really mad at the prince. He threw his sword on the ground, and held the prince from his shirt, and pressed him onto the wall.

"Idiot!" Ike said at the prince, as he threw him across the hallway. "You got us all killed!"

"How?"

"The crabs are going to take over America!"

"HOW?" The prince replied, in a worried way.

"The crab people are going to take America, then where will they attack next?"

"Umm…" The prince ha d a long pause, trying to think. "Russia?"

"NO!" Ike stepped on the prince's chest. "CANADA!"

"OH NO! I didn't REALIZED THAT!"

"We must eliminate them before they grow!"

Then, Ike released the prince, and the prince replied to Ike, as he stood up. "I will send some troops, but you must lead them!"

Then, outside Ottawa, Ike stood, with a two-hundred Musketeers. Some had musket, some were on horses, and some had cannons. The army was amazing. All the citizens of Ottawa watched, as Ike commanded his army.

"Okay men! Most of us won't make it, but we will still fight for Canada! We shall march south! Make haste!" As he pointed his sword towards south, then marched with all his men. They kept on marching, until they disappeared into the mist.

**Chapter 9: Battle Draws Near**

Back at South Park, Cartman and his army of nothing but peasants stood outside South Park, ad thousands of Crab people marched. They were in massive numbers, some had torches. From the sky, the army looked like a huge chunk of red, with glowing bits of red light scattered around.

Some crab people were Giant. Those ones were either pushing enormous catapults, or carrying oversized maces. The Crab people chanted, as they slowly marched at South Park.

_Crab People!_

_Crab People!_

_Taste like crab, talk like people!_

It was so loud, that you can hear it from a thousand miles.

"There is no hope, no fucking hope, Kyle is gone, Ike is gone, and we have nothing but peasants!" Cartman said, as he sat on the ground.

Then, the sound a huge, deep horn came from South Park. "No fucking way!"

Out of the ashes, Kyle, wielding a golf club, with red robes, and a crown made of thorny twigs, marched, with a huge army of 200 elves. Even Jimmy, the Bard was there. He then walked up to Cartman.

"So, about the elves?"

"Damn, so many elves for a Jew!"

"I remember in the war of the stick of truth, where elves and humans fought together, to destroy Clyde's empire!"

Then, the elves filled in the gaps of the human army, making it go from 150, to 350 men. The elves pulled out their swords and bows, preparing to fight.

"Impressive" Cartman said. "Really impressive, indeed. But still, we are no match for the crab people!"

"But we won't lose without a fight!" Kyle said to Cartman, with a light smile.

But then, thunder roared, as an evil laugh came from the skies.

"HUANH HUAH HUAH!"

"It is Chaos!" Kyle said, with an angry face, and grinding teeth.

Then, Wendy ran up to Stan, and grabbed him. "Stan!" She cried out, as a tear ran down her eye.

"Foolish people of America! Even if you defeat my army, you can't win, as I summoned a huge tsunami, which will engulf the entire of America!" (huehuehuahhuah)

Then, the thunder and storms ended, and his evil laugh faded away.

"Fucking bastard!" Cartman said, pointing his middle finger into the air.

Then, Clyde ran up to Cartman, with a worried face.

"The army is preparing to fight!"

"Well" Cartman said. "Let's fight back, and show Butters who he is messing with!"

**Chapter 10: The Battle of South Park**

The chanting of the crab people ended that moment. At this moment, the crabs stood still. They're mad faces, and their sharp spears and swords. They had shells covered with spikes, and was plated, as if they wore spiked armour. They're eyes were raven black, as they're torches lit up the dark night. Then, thunder and lightning roared. Then, the crab people started lifting up their spears, and clashing them on the ground, creating a huge smashing noise. It was loud, and repetitive.

_CLASH_

_CLASH_

_CLASH_

Then, Kyle pointed his golf club in the air, ready to send a command, as Cartman prepared his "magic missiles". Then, the crab peoples clashing ended, and pointed their spears forward, leaned towards South Park, and charged on. It was horrifying. Hundreds of fucking crab people ran, as swords and huge rocks flew into the air, like a cloud of farts. It was time to fight.

"FUCKING DEFEND!" He said, as everyone pointed their swords and pitchforks at the crab people, as they prepared a defence stance. Then, Kyle swung his golf club forward, and a huge cloud of arrows flew to the crab people, killing the first entire row. As Kyle prepared for another arrow barrage, everyone else kept their swords and pitchforks forward, slightly shaking in fear. Even Stan was in fear.

Then, a line of crab people approached the small army of defenders, but they all killed them in one blow, by slashing their blades when close enough, leaving a line of dead crab people , which was then used as a fort. But the fort was too small, as they couldn't hide from the crab people. More, and more approached. Then, a huge rock fell from the sky, it was from a catapult. Trying to dodge it, the army of humans and elves split up, all scattered around, barbarically fighting for their lives.

Then, a giant crab person wielding a mace stormed up to Cartman, covered in arrows and scratches. But Cartman was a wizard, and he could stop it. He jumped into the air, and released a huge, long fart, propelling him up into the air. Then, he jabbed his staff into an eye of the giant, then, as it was blinded, he made another fart-jump, pulled out an old sword, and pointed it out as he fell, causing him to completely cut down into the giant crab person, making it split into half.

Meanwhile, Jimmy was surrounded by a lot of crab people. He pulled out an enormous horn, and blew into it with all his strength, causing all the crab people to faint, then let out a huge, liquid shit. Then, Stan was facing a catapult. He jumped onto its base, ran up its frame. Cutting all the mechanical strings, then jumped on the top of the catapult, cutting the last supporting string, causing the huge rock it was loaded with, to crush the giant crab who was using it.

Even if all this good stuff was happening, everyone was still getting overwhelmed by crab people. Normal people were dying left and right, either getting stabbed with a spear, or getting crushed by a giant. The defenders were being defeated, if help didn't arrive soon, everyone would die. Cartman had no choice. He screamed on top of his lungs.

"RETREAT! COME ON! FOR YOU DAMN FUCKING LIVES!"

Then, everyone ran away. They fled into South Park. Facing massive defeat. Then, the crab people charged in, with might. They were no hope. _Or were they?_

As the crab people charged, Cartman, Stan, Kyle and all our other heroes were surrounded by a lot of crab people. One was giant. As the crab people trapped everyone, the giant swung its flail, preparing to smash our heroes. At South Park, where all the civilians were watching the defeat, Wendy broke in tears, as she saw Stan close to death. She tried to run to him, just to talk to him one more time, before he died, but Randy held her back.

"It's too dangerous! Don't!"

Then Wendy cried out. "STAN!"

But then, everything changed. As something happened. Some miracle. Something that was unexpected.

**Chapter 11: Arrival of Ike**

Out of the ashes, cannonballs, zooming at high speeds stricken down onto the giant crab person. Then, with all its limbs blown off, it fell. Then, the crab people were getting shot out of nowhere. All the crab people ran around, trying to find out where everything was coming from. Then, out of the forests, Ike and an army of Canadians arrived. Ike, wearing his armour, and riding his horse commanded all his musketeers, as the cannons fired.

"Musketeers and warriors of Canada! We have fought many wars! But this is the biggest war we will fight! Yes, musket will split, and swords will bend, but let this day be sacred! Buddies! We will not just fight for America, but FOR CANADA!"

Then, all the Canadians yelled out. "FOR CANADA!"

"_FOR CANADA!"_

Then, all the Canadian musketeers charged on their horses, firing muskets as they ran. The muskets cleared a path through the crab people even before touching them. Then, they pulled out their swords and lances, and destroyed every crab person in sight.

"Canadians!" A crab person said. "Too many! Retreat!"

Then, the crab people ran off to the forests, but the Canadians did not gave up. They continued to charge, shooting every last crab person. Then, it was like victory.

"Hurray!" Ike yelled out. "They war is over! Eh!"

"Not yet" Kyle said in a quiet voice.

Then, thunder and lightning stormed from the sky, then a loud voice came from the skies.

"_Let's see how you like dealing with me!"_

Then, he swung around his cape, revealing himself. It was Chaos. His suit was amazing. His gloves and boots of pure titanium, with a helmet decorated with blood red crystals. One in the centre was light orange, and glow bright. He wore a green cape, covered with gold scribing and marks. His eyes were green, and glowing. He then let out an evil laugh.

"MUAHHAHAHAH!"

Then, he made a massive hammer out of thin air, and swung it left and right, killing lots of musketeers and warriors with each blow. He then made a ball of energy, and threw it below him, making a wave of energy, killing everyone around him. He then picked up and threw aside Kyle and Jimmy, leaving Stan defenceless. He then picked up Stan by his collar, lifted him up in the air, and whispered to him.

"Enjoy being alive, human, as your time has come."

Then, Wendy ran up to Chaos, really mad.

"LEAVE STAN ALONE!"

Then, chaos kicked Wendy away, with one blow.

"WENDY!" Stan cried out. "You uncle fucker!" he said to chaos, in a quiet voice.

**Chapter 12: The Curse**

Then as Stan was held by chaos, Cartman walked up to chaos.

"Leave him alone!"

Then, chaos threw Stan, and walked up to Cartman.

"It is time to use a spell that was used 20 years ago"

Then, Cartman held his hands in the air.

"TESTICLE VAGINA DICKBUTT!"

Then, bolts of lightning formed in Cartman's hands. The thunderbolt was massive, as it formed in his hands, he released it, firing a huge barrage of thunder at chaos, that made him fell, and wounded.

"THAT'S IT! COCK ASS LICKING PISSED OFF CHRISTIAN BALLS!"

Then, a giant barrage of lighting struck at chaos, throwing him across the snowy plains.

"Now, it is time! FUCK SHIT COCK ASS BITCH SLAP JEWISH BUTTHOLE!"

Then, chaos was really struck with lighting, and fainted for a second. Then when he opened his eyes, they were not glowing, but normal, human eyes. He looked around him, with a surprised face. He looked at everyone he killed and injured. He was back to butters.

"Fellas? What have I done?"

"Butters!" Stan said. "There isn't much time, you must stop it!"

"Stop what?"

Then, out of the dusk, was a huge wave, engulfing everything in its path. The wave was huge, destroying everything in its path. It was like the last time Craig had diarrhoea. It was slowly approaching towards South Park, and would arrive in minutes, and destroy South Park in a second.

"Oh Jesus!" Butters cried, as he stared at the wave. "I- I might still have some power!"

Then, Butters held out his hands, then a huge electric burst blasted out of his arms. As that happened, huge pulse waves charged at the wave. Sparks of lighting came out of each bursting pulse. Then, the wave slowly retreated, crawling back into the sea. Butters still fired with all his might, until the point where he lost all of his power. The, he fainted, and Stan and Kyle ran to catch him before he hit the ground. But as so, the massive wave retreated back into the ocean.

Although, as it retreated, it uncovered a trail of destruction, and ruin. But something amazing happened. The remaining crab people picked up shovels, and hammers, and worked hard, trying to repair the damage. They were silent, they didn't speak, they just helped repair the damage from Chaos.

Meanwhile, at a campfire, Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Butters were around it. Butters stood up, holding his helmet. The helmet was not as amazing, some gems fell out, and it was well rusted. It was covered in scratches and dents. Butters then stretched his arms out, and held his helmet over the fire. He then stared at Cartman.

"Do it, Butters." Cartman said to him.

Then, Butters dropped his helmet into the fire. The burning inferno caused the helmet to crack, and decay. Then, the cursed helmet started to shake, as it melted into dark ash, flying away into thin air. Then, the entire helmet degraded into noting but bits of dust.

**Chapter 13: The Celebration, and Ending**

It was a beautiful morning. Birds were chipping, hippies were getting high, and the sun was shining and stuff. At the backyard of Stan's house, was a huge party. Tables had a huge variety of assorted snacks, they even had a huge tub of fried chicken. There was also a stage, where Jimmy was playing the flute, while Craig clapped the tambourine occasionally. There was a few tables with seats on them, where everyone enjoyed their beer and food. In the centre, was a some open space, where people danced.

Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Butters were sitting on one of the tables, enjoying fresh pints of beer, and some fried chicken. They were having a huge talk about some random things.

Stan was then talking about something in his childhoods. "And then, they cut a chicken's head off, threw it onto some platform, and see where it stopped moving to decide what to do with the economy!"

"Dude, when you were away, the town was all messed up, and Kyle became Jesus!"

"Wow! Really?"

Then, Wendy went hopping around the dance floor, handing out pints of beer to everyone. She seemed to be enjoying it, and has a smile on her face.

"Dude" Cartman whispered to Stan. "It's Wendy"

"So?"

"Dance with her!"

Then, everyone on the table was saying the same thing to Stan over and over again, while patting his back.

"Come on!"

"Yeah!"

"Do it!"

Then Stan went off his seat, ran up to Wendy, and they started dancing. They held hands, jumped around in circles, and did whatever else couples so when they dance. Then, Wendy leaned back, ad Stan held her.

"Yeah!" Cartman yelled out. "Kickass!"

"Fuck yeah!" Kyle yelled out, also.

Then, Butters stood up, and walked up to the snack bar, to get more chicken. He then said to himself: "It doesn't really matter about being kicked out of a group, or discriminated. Even so, chaos is not the answer, as long as everyone is happy, it is fine!"

Then, Ike walked into the part, with everyone else.

"Ike? Is that you?" Kyle asked.

"Yes, it is me!"

"Well, aren't you supposed to be in Canada?"

"Fuck Canada! I belong here, in the United States! It doesn't matter about race, it is aboot friendship! It is aboot family!"

Then, Kyle laughed a bit.

"What is the matter?" Ike asked.

"Oh, nothing! Can you say that again?" Kyle giggled.

"Okay! It is aboot Friendship! It is aboot family!"

Then, Kyle bursted out laughing.

"Well, he may be drunk or something, maybe I need to also get drunk, eh!" Ike said, as he walked up to the beer stand.

Then, Cartman walked up to the stage, as Jimmy and Craig stopped playing their music.

"Attention, Attention please?"  
Then, everyone silenced their chatter.

"Thank you, today, we would like to honour all who bravely fought for South Park tonight!"

Then, everyone cheered and clapped.

"Last night, was important and amazing! Last night, we learnt a lot, and we also liberated South Park from the deadly war!"

Then, everyone cheered again.

"But now, I shall hand it over to Kyle!"

Then, Kyle started to speak on the mic.

"I thank all of you for your help, but I really learned something over the past few days! Sometimes, someone who is really nice, and gentle, can become a monster. And I also learned that even if someone really hated you, they would still help you sometimes!"

Then, everyone clapped and cheered.

"But now, to Stan!"

Then, Stan went on the mic.

"Hello, all! I thank you for coming for this wonderful morning! As you may know, last night was a huge battle, we lost a lot, but we also won a huge payment!"

Then, everyone cheered, and Ike vomited after drinking too much.

"But, we did not just fought for South Park, nor our family, we fought for America! And now, my lovely bride, Wendy would like to share something with us!"

Then, everyone clapped, and cheered, and Ike still barfed. Wendy then held her left hand on her chest, and her other arm into the air, and did the unthinkable. She sang the American anthem. She sang with a beautiful, and majestic female opera voice.

_Oh, say! Can you see by the dawn's early light__  
__what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming;__  
__whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,__  
__O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?_

Then, everyone stood up, and sang along with her, holding their hands on their chest. (Except for Craig, who held his middle finger on his chest)

_**And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,**__**  
**__**Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there:**__**  
**__**Oh, say! does that star-spangled banner yet wave**__**  
**__**O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?**_

_**THE END**_

_**ABOOT THE AUTHOR**_

_**I am a retarted 12-year old kid who shoudn't**_

_**Have been watching South Park in the first**_

_**Place. Trust me. No lies.**_


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